The Inevitable Man-Bites-Dog Story

is well established that “synthetic drugs” make you fuck goats and
people’s faces
. It turns out they also make you eat the family
dog. While it’s still alive. On Monday police in Waco,
Texas, charged
22-year-old Michael Daniel with felony animal cruelty because of a
June 14 incident in which he allegedly got down “on his hands and
knees and chased a neighbor while barking and growling like a dog,”
then “took a medium-sized black dog onto the front porch of the
home,” where “he beat and strangled the animal” and “began to bite
into the dog, ripping pieces of flesh away.” The dog died at the
scene. Police reported that Daniel “was on a bad trip from
ingesting K2,” a synthetic marijuana substitute. Fake pot also was
for a 2010 incident in which a Utah man “fired a handgun randomly
and shot a neighbor’s goat.” Since then state and federal bans have
encouraged manufacturers to change
their active ingredients, apparently from the goat-shooting variety
to the dog-eating kind. Still, better that than actual marijuana,
which everybody knows makes you
hack your family to death
with an ax.

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